How to Fail a Science Class

*see also: How to pass a science class

1. Always arrive late.

2. Never slip into your desk quietly. Instead, make a big production of slamming the door behind you, shouting out, "Sorry, I'm late! I had to go to the john!" If at all possible, drop your books on the floor or on your desk, too.

3. Better yet, don't have your books with you.

4. Never bring a pencil to class. Always borrow someone's and forget to bring it back.

5. Never bring paper. Let other people spend their money on stuff like that. Use their paper.

6. Use the paper you borrow to write a note. After you finish, make a big deal about passing - or better yet, "throwing" it across the room to someone else. Disturb as many as possible.

7. Never, ever, do your homework. The teacher will admire you for your consistency.

8. Loose your textbook the first week of school. Then you will have an excuse for not reading your assignments.

9. During class, doodle on your blue jeans with a pen.

10. Draw as much attention to yourself as possible. Make funny remarks. Be loud. Start arguments.

11. Groan a lot.

12. Say, "This is BORING!" loudly every five minutes or so, especially if it is really quiet in the room.

13. Ask, "Why do we have to do this stuff?" as often as possible.

14. After the teacher says, "Turn to page 36", say, "What page?"

15. When your group or partner is depending on you, show up unprepared. Better yet, don't show up at all.

16. Turn in all of your assignments late. Better yet, never turn them in at all.

17. If you absolutely can't talk to your neighbor, stare out the window or draw airplanes on top of the desk.

18. When you get your test back with an "F', shout, "This isn't fair! The teacher hates me!"

19. Never show concern about your grade until the last day of the grading period. Then see if the teacher has extra credit you can do to make up for all 42 missing assignments.

20. If the teacher says "NO", throw a fit.

21. Torment the girl who sits in front of you. Bang your knees against the back of the chair. Show her how you can make obnoxious noises with your hand in your armpit.

22. Torment the boy that sits behind you. Steal his pencil. Jiggle his desk when he is trying to write.

23. Stay up as late as possible. Sleep in class.

24. If you have to read something in class, make it a magazine or a comic book.

25. Always chew gum, loudly. Bubble gum works best as you can blow a big bubble and have it pop all over your face.

26. If you have a report, copy word-for-word from the 'World Book Encyclopedia'.

27. If you decide to hand in some homework, make sure you have copied it from someone else in class.

28. If you decide to do some homework for fifth period English, be sure you do it during fourth period math.

29. Don't take notes. If you have followed items #4 and #5, this should not be a problem.